I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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