The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
