you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
