You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
