Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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