So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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