i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
