they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
