I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
