checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
