How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
