do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
