miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
