I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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