I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
