I hate all girls vehemently.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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