At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
