i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
