I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
