I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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