Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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