I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
