sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
