i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
