Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
