he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
