That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
