i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
