Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
