Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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