I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
