i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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