I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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