Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
