I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
