I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
