it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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