Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
