I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
