Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
