Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
