I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
