never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
