How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
