Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
