Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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