I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
