Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
