I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
