toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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