He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
