I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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