After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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