Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
